Affectivity is an essential part of our lives even though we tend to regard it as an automatic discount and love in its various forms of attachment and in its most positive and healthier, is an important skill, and at the same time , a natural and deep need of every human being. Falling in love and then get together sounds like a guarantee for the maintenance and development of the project as a couple, but it is not. Torque occur in everyday circumstances to which we do not give any importance, until the "unspoken" accumulate, could flatten the relationship with your partner, or even put it into crisis. This is because all this time, there was not a relationship with "him for what is in reality", but with the man who imagined he could become with our help.
Many women and men often make the mistake of trying a partner with which to build a relationship, without first being able to build a relationship with themselves, they pass from one man to another or from one woman to another, looking for what of that they miss.
Sometimes it may happen that it was initially attracted to and lured by those same qualities that we soon to change in your partner. Choose people with whom you can not build a relationship is a good excuse to avoid the evidence of the relationship. Given these assumptions, we can establish what is called "relational addiction", and then love becomes "loving too much." Some authors use the terms "love sickness", "intoxication of love" and "love drug" all as synonyms of "emotional dependency", in reality we have to make distinctions between phenomena that can be transient or normal from more pathological.
Mal d'amore is a poorly defined term that indicates a pain that may be related to an affective state to a person who is not available or do not know the responsiveness or characteristics that are the basis of trust and emotional stability of the relationship. This malaise may also arise with the refusal by the person wanted or loved, the emotional relationship.
L 'intoxication of love is a psychological tendency that may coincide with behavioral and emotional dependence. It 's a negative relationship condition which is characterized by a lack of reciprocity in the love life with the couple in creating people who "love the one-way a physical and psychological distress. This condition may stop and the person can find the well-being, if it does not or can not we talk about emotional dependency and relationship of love or drugs. Relational and emotional dependence occurs when your partner is not right, it is not available emotionally, physically distant, and yet, you can not leave him: indeed, you love it and want more.
Yes "loves too much" when trying to impose its own solution to the problem of another, and when you excuse the bad moods, bad character, indifference and rudeness of its partners, as it is considered the result of an unhappy childhood and thus seeks to become his analyst with confidence. When most of the values, characteristics and behavior of partners we do not like, but turns a blind eye, thinking that, if he considers us worthy enough love will change, it means that you are "loving too much."
The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders does not recognize the "emotional dependency" but describes instead a dependent personality disorder, defined as "excessive need to be cared for." And submissive behavior reflects a "member" and a fear of separation.
There are eight criteria that define this disease. If there are at least 5, we consider the diagnosis of a disorder Dependent personality
1. The person is unable to make decisions that affect herself and usually relies on someone.
2. He needs others to assume responsibility in most important areas of his life.
3. He has difficulty expressing disagreement with others for fear of losing their support and approval.
4. He has problems to initiate projects and to take initiatives on their own, for lack of confidence in his trial or in their abilities, rather than lack of motivation or energy.
5. Look in any way to get the support and the support of others, to the point to volunteer to do unpleasant tasks.
6. Feels uncomfortable when she is alone and defenseless, to the excessive fear of being unable to fend for herself.
7. When he finishes a close relationship, he looks for another urgent as a source of care and the support they need.
8. He is constantly afraid of being abandoned.
Note how emotional dependence can be lived outside of a couple's relationship, for example, a parent and a friend. Women appear to be the victims of this type of addiction, why they are investing in the emotional life than men.
Several indices allow to reveal a dependence on affective
- When the woman feels the need to stay in constant contact with your loved one (eg. the phone);
- All or Nothing: crazy love when all is well and was alert at the slightest opposition;
- Lack of interest in their lives. The only important thing is the other;
- The need to step aside as not to disturb;
- The extreme devotion (forgetting their own needs and to devote their lives solely to the partners);
- Lack of dignity (tears , shouts, threats, blackmail, anything goes to keep near each other);
- Isolation: the woman herself in a relationship with the beloved to the point of neglecting the social, emotional and family.
bibliographic sources: Malate
of Emotions Addictions women: how to deal with and overcome, William Lowenstein and Dominique Rouch
Women who love too much, Robin Norwood
DSM IV-TR Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, APA
